Rape in The Army: I Never Thought It Would Be Me

This is another traumatic event in my life. I decided after high school that I wasn't ready for college, given I had lived a very sheltered and controlled life. I wanted to get out and do something big. So I joined the Army as a EMT. My first duty station was Fort Wainwright, in Fairbanks Alaska. I arrived in July 2001, signed in late on a Friday so not many people were around. But the NCOIC at the time welcomed me, we made small talk and he asked if I had plans for dinner? I didnt as I had just signed in for my barracks room. He said bring a change of clothes, So i agreed to go have dinner with a GROUP of his friends. We stopped by the bank, store, and then we were at his house, he said he just needed to grab something and to wait in the truck. I did. He came out and told me that there was a message on his machine that the guys bailed cause their wives pitched a fit. So it was just him and I. He seemed really cool, friendly and I never suspected anything. We had chinese food for dinner and then he asked me if I wanted to see something cool, I said sure. He blind folded me, led me up stairs, we walked a little ways and then made a turn into what was his bedroom, he said no peeking, dont take the blindfold off he'd be right back. So I just stood there.........

What seemed to be hours, I took the blindfold off and realized I was in his bedroom. I went for the door and it was locked, the sun had gone down by now and i panicked. Started BEATING on the door and nothing, so i sat there till he came back. When he came back he had a deli plate and a glass of water, I asked him why he locked me in there and he said that the door sometimes gets stuck. I stood up to leave, realizing I didnt know where I was as I had just gotten off the plane 12 hrs ago. I asked him to take me home. He said he would after I ate the sandwich and drank my water. Eager to go home. I did as requested.


After that, the lights went out, I had fallen asleep. He drugged me with a roofie.
I remember as my body was being moved and shifted I saw two faces, not one, he wasnt alone and then i was out. That was after 10:00pm friday, I didnt wake up till sunday. I had breif moments my eye lids would slant open, I saw him on top of me, back out, woke up again saw a man i had never seen before over me and i was out....

I awoke Sunday with my arms and legs tied to the bed, one on each bed post. I was naked. I SCREAMED and he came running in, told me to calm down and that he would not untie me until i made an agreement that I would not say anything to anyone. I said I want my clothes, he said I can have the CLEAN set I brought with me. My other clothes were gone.

I agreed. I got dressed, he drove me back to the barracks and told me. "See you tomorrow" and drove away.

I was so alone, I knew no one.

Monday came, He was there as well as the other man that was there. Turns out both were NCO's that were in my new chain of command. One was my platoon SGT. the other my Squad Leader. The next two years were hell.

Once again my TRUST was taken by those who were my authority figures

For those of you that have lived through this experience, what was it like to start having sex again? Did you ever panic or have a flashback in the middle of the act? Then those of you that are in the same position I am, don't fret to message me. :)

Also, have you ever had such a high level of sexual chemistry with someone after your rape? It's really confusing for me. It's like my heart wants to dive for it but my head keeps shooting back images of my rapist, and also my stepfather, who I trusted. How did you trust again?

A week later I met my husband.............life has been great since but I still carry the heavy burden of what 3 men have done to me. I still feel violated.....

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My Traumatic Story of my 1st Sexual Assult

Boise Idaho 1984
Location: Apartment Complex that was my home


I was born in Feb 1982 to my parents that were unwed. They decided to get married when I was 6 months old. I do not remember infancy, but my memories begin before I turned 1. Hard to believe but its true, I can describe the house that we lived in, my first steps at my then grandmothers house. Not many people can remember that far back and to be honest, i wish I couldn't given the events that I am about to speak of. No child should ever experience this:

Well i had turned one, and remember there was always alot of yelling going on between my mom and my dad. Shortly after, I remember my dad leaving. He moved so he could find better work to support my mom and I. I remember going to work with him at some sort of garage/metal warehouse type building ( it was huge to me) and then after that day with him, it would be 4 years before I saw him again. He found out that my mom was cheating on him with the man directly across from our front door in the apartment complex. I had not met him yet. I missed my daddy. My mother began working a full time job with a large brand name company, at first I we tagged along and allowed to run around the warehouse until it was time to go home. Soon after that I went to daycare. day in day out was the same for about 2 months. My mom had been spending alot of time with the man across the hall. His name is Pablo. I finally met him, he was to be my new babysitter, as a favor to my mom ( who was fucking him) From day one I didn't like him. He always smelled, his house was smelly, but on the other hand, his 3 kids were really nice. Now mind you we lived in 2bedroom apartments. So all 3 kids, 2 boys (older) and his daughter younger all slept in the same room in the same bed! In my moms apartment I had my own room and would always run in and get in her bed. It didnt take long and we ended up moving in with him and his 3 kids. Life as i knew it was over. I went from my room, to sleeping on a stinky, pee soaked double mattress with no sheets. I shared it with his daughter, while the boys shared another double mattress. there was no privacy. Mind you I was 2 now i wasnt too worried about privacy. It began a routine that my mom would leave for work, his kids went to school and in the end it was just Pablo and I. I guess he got bored and figured he would do as he pleased.

He called me into their room, and he was sitting on the side of his water bed wearing nothing but underwear and socks. He told me not to be scared that he wasn't going to hurt me, he just wanted me to help him do something. I was a very happy child and smiled and giggled alot. I knew nothing of fear, danger, right or wrong. I WAS 2!! I slowly walked over to him and he asked me if i was scared and replied "no". He asked me to get on my knees and use my hand to play with his "BoyToy" thats what he told me it was. I did as I was told and was scared when the soft flesh in my tiny hands had grown hard and it stood up all by itself. I thought it was a game. He then asked me to kiss it, lick it, and try to suck on it like i would my bottle, again I did as I was told. Very soon after doing this he told me to stop and I watched this white stuff come out of the end of it. I thought it was funny (remember I was 2) after he cleaned up and wiped it off, he told me that that game was only for him and I and that my mommy couldn't know about it, and I couldn't tell ANYONE. I kept my secret. After testing the waters with if i would tell, about a week passed and then he began to do it on a daily basis. i was getting older and I didnt want to do it anymore, so I told him no. He walked me into his room sat me on his bed and went to his closet, he then turned around and I saw what I associated was a water gun...........he pressed the barrel of the gun to my head and told me that if I ever told anyone he would KILL ME. I was so scared. I complied with him after that. It escalated from giving him what I now know is a blow job, to his friends coming over. I was made to lay on the couch with nothing on and my legs wide open ( now I'm 4) and the 4 different men began touching me where I went to go potty. They would touch (roughly) and would stick their fingers inside of me and it really hurt!! That lasted about a year........and my "mother" was NEVER around.

I was scheduled to go visit my Dad in CA. I stepped foot on the plane at the age of 5 not knowing that it was the last time I would ever see Pablo or my "mother"

I was supposed to go back, but my "mother" called and asked if my Dad would keep me longer.......He gladly agreed. I was now living with my Dad and his new wife in a huge house with lots of animals, I had never seen an animal before!! My stepmother became the woman I call my mother

As for my biological "mother" I never saw her again or heard from her again until I was 21, pregnant,& with my husband. My Aunt wanted to have dinner and so we agreed to drive from Fairbanks Alaska down to Anchorage Alaska which was about a 4 hour drive. We arrived and for the first time since I was 5, I saw my biological mother. I told her of the abuse, she told me that it never happened and I was just trying to get attention. I was fucking 2 ya dumb bitch. I asked her if she knew about it and she slapped me across the face.

I told my mom and dad what happened and they tried to do everything they could to prosecute Pablo but because it took me so many years to tell them, the statue of limitations had run out. He walked free. No consequences.

That being, I will not call him a man, took my innocence from me and robbed me of trust. the foundation on which ALL relationships are based. Its no wonder my relationships don't work. I trust NO ONE, but myself.

My husband is paying the consequences of what he did to me. Sex is difficult, mentally it has blocked the want for sex. Thanks to my wonderful husband, who knows everything about me, I am able to let it out. There is help out there, don't be a silent victim like i was. Be proactive. Take charge of your life and your body, let NO MAN or WOMAN hurt you.

Until the early 1970s child sexual abuse was thought to be rare, and centered among the poor. Experts now agree that child sexual abuse has always occurred and still exists in all socio-economic groups. Increased public awareness has led to greater reporting; from 1970 to 1990, child sexual abuse reports increased more than other categories of neglect or abuse.Despite this gain, child sexual abuse still remains vastly under-reported.Sexual abuse can include fondling, genital exposure, intimate kissing, forced masturbation oral, penile or digital penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus. Child prostitution, pornography and cult (or "ritual") abuse are specific activities also included in the definition.1 Incest is sexual abuse where the offender is a family member.
Sexual abuse occurs in rural, urban and suburban areas and among all ethnic, racial and socioeconomic groups. A recent Department of Justice report found that half of the women who reported rapes in 1992 were under the age of 18, 16 percent were under 12.

Most children are abused by someone they know and trust, although boys are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family.A study in three states found 96 percent of reported rape survivors under age 12 knew the attacker. Four percent of the offenders were strangers, 20 percent were fathers 16 percent were relatives and 50 percent were acquaintances or friends. Among women 18 or older, 12 percent were raped by a family member, 33 percent by a stranger and 55 percent by an acquaintance.

Abuse typically occurs within a long-term, on-going relationship between the offender and victim, escalates over time and lasts an average of four years.3,5 Offenders often develop a relationship with a targeted victim for months before beginning the abused 3 Sexual abuse often occurs in successive generations of the same family.2 In non-familial child abduction, one study found two-thirds of reported cases involved sexual assault.

In up to 50 percent of reported cases, offenders are adolescents. In 82 percent of accusations recently studied the accused offender was a heterosexual partner of a close relative of the child. Researchers estimate that between 96 to 100 percent of accused abusers are recognizably heterosexual. Another study found that almost half of offending fathers and stepfathers also abused children outside their family.

Children are most vulnerable between ages eight-12.The average age for first abuse is 9.9 years for boys and 9.6 years for girls. Victimization occurs before age eight in over 20 percent of the cases. Another study found 24 percent of female child sexual abuse survivors were first abused at age five or younger.

Estimates of child sexual abuse rates vary for many reasons. Less than 10 percent of set abuse is reported to the policed. Definitions of both abuse and the age of maturity affect frequency rates. Protective services only record reported cases and typically focus on inner family abuse, thus excluding non-caretakers.
Even in self-reporting surveys, abuse may be underreported because many people are afraid or ashamed to reveal victimization, have repressed memories of abuse, refuse to participate in studies or deny that what happened was "real" abuse.
The National Resource Council estimates the percent of the U.S. population which has been sexually abused to range from a low of 20-24 percent to a high of 54-62 percent of the population.

PLEASE SPEAK UP!!! Help yourself by telling. I have been in therapy for YEARS, my current thrapist is 3 days a week at an hour and a half sessions......you cant do it alone. Please relate to me, talk to me, message me, I've been where you are. Take the first step........

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